Seeing your face before we depart was a lot more torture than a thousand knives stabbed in a man’s body. The bleeding will take the life out of me in a few minutes, but with the kind of torture your face brings me… wounds me slowly, letting me feel every bit of the sweet torment and every enticing agony. It cuts me into pieces smaller than small. And whenever I look into your eyes and beyond it, I shiver helplessly. Adding to the sorrow was the fact that I did not see and might no longer see "me" in them. Fearing I might drown, I begin to look away and tears start to flow as if it will see no ending. It will really be a hell of a time for me to get over the feel of your touch, the gentleness of your embrace, the comfort of your words, the sweetness of your laughter, the melody of our song, the world I called “ours”. Maybe the reason is I don’t really want to get over them. I intend to keep them locked inside my heart… as I have kept you there too. I never want to and never will forget you. They say that forgetting someone means you never loved that someone. I merely wanted to clear my mind of you for the meantime that I may stop hoping and waiting for all the things that could have been.
It saddens me so much that I never had the chance to show you the extent of how much I felt. If I only realize that I had only a short time of being with you, I would have never left your side, every single day and night. I would have chained you close to me and never let you go. I would have told you “ I love you “ over and over and over again, not just four times over a single night, until I have no voice left to say any word (but even as I may have lost my voice, silence will speak for me.) I would have married you right then and there the very moment you would let me. (I have low hopes...but still I pray) If only I had all the time in the world, I want to spend them all beside you---loving you, and if all the time in the world may not be enough I would keep turning back time. But then again, you have left me with a grateful heart for each little things you did; for all the things big and small---they all made me love you more. Just by remembering the wonderful memories will surely calm my being in times of restlessness and sadness. Even as the hurt and lonely feelings will mock and haunt me forever, I know love shall rule over them. Moreover, you have made a stronger, better, and more loving person out of me. My life has ended as you said (or just waved) goodbye, even though it may be just for the time being, it still lessens my faith and brings me a great heartache.
Sometimes, I blame love for this pain I feel but I do accept love for all its mysteries. All I know is that you’ve made me feel the extremities of its ways. Where there is love, pain and hurt lies. But as one loves, there is neither pain nor hurt; only more love. For the longest times, I hoped for miracles that time will turn back for me. (I never stopped hoping up to this very minute!) Eventually, I realized that there are things that are meant to be and even as I do my very best to keep you, I would never succeed. Even if I exhaust all of life’s possibilities, I can never have my own will. It’s not because I myself am a failure, but because I have no power over love…over you.
Let me tell you one thing as your doors keep closing for me… If ever you find yourself in love with someone, just make sure that he loves you the way I do and even more. Please know that I long for your happiness. Bear in mind that the only way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost (I learned that because I am losing you.) Learn to accept it and learn not to let every opportunity to be with him to pass you by. Love him completely as you would want to be loved.
This is more than just a group of words but my heart is in it. I know now that I could die a thousand deaths. I love you this much. Letting go is just another way of putting it.
Goodbye, although I promised not to say so. But it’s not for forever. It’s just for now. I am not bemoaning for what was lost; I am so grateful for what remains. .)
Goodbye. It is such a cruel word, but it’s the only word that can ever be kind to me now.
Again, I know I’ll be missing you.
